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DMtool: Useless Trinkets

Source: 'One hundred useless items' - Dragon Magazine April-2005 (By Richard Pett)



By Jelke Ludolphij

Welcome Gamemasters

I bring you another table that I have used on various occasions. Especially because it often perplexes my players as they think every single item I mention will have a purpose. This sentence from Rickard Pett sums it up:

In a room filled with magical and wondrous things. a plain and useless item sticks out like a sore thumb.

So, here is a list of 100 items with no apparent use whatsoever.


d100 Trinket

1 Large pile of dried assassin vines

2 Map of the room/chamber the PCs have entered

3 A large fake beholder made of straw and cloth

4 Two hundred rusty nails

5 A pair of broken bellows with a spider living inside

6 A set of false teeth in a jar labelled "teeth of Ola th the terrible"

7 A bald mop with the word "Karreen'' scratched into the handle

8 A broken bucket plugged up with an old oily scrap of ermine

9 A 4-pint tankard with a hole in the bottom

10 Sixteen clay stirge statues

11 A jar of ointment labelled "pig soother"

12 A scarf made of owlbear fur that is incredibly itchy

13 A mirror with the words " I am the most" written on the face in goblin

14 Two dozen stuffed mice in a clay jar

15 A flag of no discernable country

16 Seven chess boards all broken in half with dried blood on them

17 A large pile of worn flagstones labelled "trap this way up"

18 A broken stone lintel from a window or stove

19 A mummified rat corpse astride a ship in a bottle

20 A very poor painting of a sheep

21 A pair of billhooks bent into the shape of a heart

22 Two large dried catfish with mousetraps in their mouths

23 A pair of papier-mache greataxes

24 A huge stuffed hippogriff with a treasure chest instead of a head

25 A stained glass window depicting a prancing spider eater

26 A mop bucket filled with giant frogs pawn

27 A necklace of troll teeth

28 Ninety seven dead large centipedes on a hat pin

29 A glass helm

30 A statue of a gargoyle with eleven heads

31 A small collection of mildewed tomes about cheese

32 Six badger leg bones in a leather bag

33 A cat saddle

34 Three melted iron bottle stoppers labelled "efreet! - do not remove"

35 A pair of theatrical shields made of cotton

36 An enormous cheese-grater for a Huge or larger creature

37 A huge iron collar

38 A collection of various-sized manticore spikes

39 A headless hammer

40 A wooden carving of the tarrasque

41 An executioner's hood with the eyeholes sewn up

42 Four hundred and eight spent sunrods

43 A wand of magic missile with no charges

44 Two naga skeletons on wooden frames

45 A clock face set to 4:00

46 A collection of clothes pegs of Huge size

47 An hourglass without sand

48 A halfling clay pipe with two stems

49 A set of breaches for a storm giant

50 Thirteen black cat silhouettes made of iron

51 The stretched skin of an otyugh

52 A ship's anchor that has been broken in two

53 A large glass eye with a slit instead of a round pupil

54 An octopus tentacle painted yellow

55 A long bench labelled with obscene graffiti in Aquan

56 A 10-foot-long wooden shortsword

57 A wardrobe filled to the brim with hats of various descriptions

58 Two drawers of carefully wrapped deceased stiffened Large snakes

59 A pillow stuffed with cockatrice feathers and labelled as such

60 A broken window shutter with the word "Keep'' written upon it

61 A scarecrow head likeness of one of the heroes who found it

62 A pantomime horse costume

63 A pantomime nightmare costume

64 Six com dolls with rat skull heads

65 Five large knitted moons with cows jumping over, labelled "moooon''

66 A set of full plate for a ferret

67 A book with eleven recipes for chuul written in infernal

68 A cowbell for a titanic cow

69 Three brass figurines of imps blowing raspberries at each other

70 A mask designed to look like a beholder with glass eyes on stalks

71 A 12-pound green candle

72 A carved wooden loaf of bread 6 feet wide

73 A pair of iron spoons, one marked "good" and one marked "bad"

74 A doormat with "not welcome" written on it in Goblin

75 A large jar of liquefied grick going slightly mouldy

76 Three painted blue harps without strings

77 A torn tapestry depicting a battle between badgers and mummies

78 A Tiny ale tankard incorrectly stating that it holds a quart

79 A selection of rusty bent saws

80 A battered carpet with "speak and shall fly'' written upon it

81 Thirty-seven stones carved to look like crows

82 Two hat-stands of enormous size

83 A black cloth bag filled with odd shoes and gloves

84 A bat cap made of dire rat skins

85 An often repaired raft for a single Small creature with "da" painted on it

86 A small iron castle with a pair of iron dragons circling it

87 A charred piece of wood labelled "Last of Snurre's Steading"

88 A small chest filled with lead discs

89 An empty jar labelled '·do not open, contains wail of the banshee"

90 An owl teddy bear of great size, possibly for a giant child

91 A roe-call whistle without a pea but labelled as such

92 A pair of fishing Bies made from griffon feathers

93 A 20-foot iron ladder which deliberately has only three rungs

94 A stirge mobile made of wax

95 A set of iron shoes with steel laces

96 A jar with eleven eyes in it labelled "Uncle Orb RIP"

97 A wooden earring carved in the likeness of an anvil and axes

98 A battered steel horn labelled "call of the xorn''

99 A weather vane depicting a beholder chasing gnomes

100 A miniature iron golem carved to look like a milk-maid


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