Source: 'One hundred useless items' - Dragon Magazine April-2005 (By Richard Pett)
Welcome Gamemasters
I bring you another table that I have used on various occasions. Especially because it often perplexes my players as they think every single item I mention will have a purpose. This sentence from Rickard Pett sums it up:
In a room filled with magical and wondrous things. a plain and useless item sticks out like a sore thumb.
So, here is a list of 100 items with no apparent use whatsoever.
d100 Trinket
1 Large pile of dried assassin vines
2 Map of the room/chamber the PCs have entered
3 A large fake beholder made of straw and cloth
4 Two hundred rusty nails
5 A pair of broken bellows with a spider living inside
6 A set of false teeth in a jar labelled "teeth of Ola th the terrible"
7 A bald mop with the word "Karreen'' scratched into the handle
8 A broken bucket plugged up with an old oily scrap of ermine
9 A 4-pint tankard with a hole in the bottom
10 Sixteen clay stirge statues
11 A jar of ointment labelled "pig soother"
12 A scarf made of owlbear fur that is incredibly itchy
13 A mirror with the words " I am the most" written on the face in goblin
14 Two dozen stuffed mice in a clay jar
15 A flag of no discernable country
16 Seven chess boards all broken in half with dried blood on them
17 A large pile of worn flagstones labelled "trap this way up"
18 A broken stone lintel from a window or stove
19 A mummified rat corpse astride a ship in a bottle
20 A very poor painting of a sheep
21 A pair of billhooks bent into the shape of a heart
22 Two large dried catfish with mousetraps in their mouths
23 A pair of papier-mache greataxes
24 A huge stuffed hippogriff with a treasure chest instead of a head
25 A stained glass window depicting a prancing spider eater
26 A mop bucket filled with giant frogs pawn
27 A necklace of troll teeth
28 Ninety seven dead large centipedes on a hat pin
29 A glass helm
30 A statue of a gargoyle with eleven heads
31 A small collection of mildewed tomes about cheese
32 Six badger leg bones in a leather bag
33 A cat saddle
34 Three melted iron bottle stoppers labelled "efreet! - do not remove"
35 A pair of theatrical shields made of cotton
36 An enormous cheese-grater for a Huge or larger creature
37 A huge iron collar
38 A collection of various-sized manticore spikes
39 A headless hammer
40 A wooden carving of the tarrasque
41 An executioner's hood with the eyeholes sewn up
42 Four hundred and eight spent sunrods
43 A wand of magic missile with no charges
44 Two naga skeletons on wooden frames
45 A clock face set to 4:00
46 A collection of clothes pegs of Huge size
47 An hourglass without sand
48 A halfling clay pipe with two stems
49 A set of breaches for a storm giant
50 Thirteen black cat silhouettes made of iron
51 The stretched skin of an otyugh
52 A ship's anchor that has been broken in two
53 A large glass eye with a slit instead of a round pupil
54 An octopus tentacle painted yellow
55 A long bench labelled with obscene graffiti in Aquan
56 A 10-foot-long wooden shortsword
57 A wardrobe filled to the brim with hats of various descriptions
58 Two drawers of carefully wrapped deceased stiffened Large snakes
59 A pillow stuffed with cockatrice feathers and labelled as such
60 A broken window shutter with the word "Keep'' written upon it
61 A scarecrow head likeness of one of the heroes who found it
62 A pantomime horse costume
63 A pantomime nightmare costume
64 Six com dolls with rat skull heads
65 Five large knitted moons with cows jumping over, labelled "moooon''
66 A set of full plate for a ferret
67 A book with eleven recipes for chuul written in infernal
68 A cowbell for a titanic cow
69 Three brass figurines of imps blowing raspberries at each other
70 A mask designed to look like a beholder with glass eyes on stalks
71 A 12-pound green candle
72 A carved wooden loaf of bread 6 feet wide
73 A pair of iron spoons, one marked "good" and one marked "bad"
74 A doormat with "not welcome" written on it in Goblin
75 A large jar of liquefied grick going slightly mouldy
76 Three painted blue harps without strings
77 A torn tapestry depicting a battle between badgers and mummies
78 A Tiny ale tankard incorrectly stating that it holds a quart
79 A selection of rusty bent saws
80 A battered carpet with "speak and shall fly'' written upon it
81 Thirty-seven stones carved to look like crows
82 Two hat-stands of enormous size
83 A black cloth bag filled with odd shoes and gloves
84 A bat cap made of dire rat skins
85 An often repaired raft for a single Small creature with "da" painted on it
86 A small iron castle with a pair of iron dragons circling it
87 A charred piece of wood labelled "Last of Snurre's Steading"
88 A small chest filled with lead discs
89 An empty jar labelled '·do not open, contains wail of the banshee"
90 An owl teddy bear of great size, possibly for a giant child
91 A roe-call whistle without a pea but labelled as such
92 A pair of fishing Bies made from griffon feathers
93 A 20-foot iron ladder which deliberately has only three rungs
94 A stirge mobile made of wax
95 A set of iron shoes with steel laces
96 A jar with eleven eyes in it labelled "Uncle Orb RIP"
97 A wooden earring carved in the likeness of an anvil and axes
98 A battered steel horn labelled "call of the xorn''
99 A weather vane depicting a beholder chasing gnomes
100 A miniature iron golem carved to look like a milk-maid
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